my darling....part one

As much as I want to believe that I will never forget your very first birthday, I know in time I will. Years will pass and the details will blur and go out of focus, as we turn our attention to the business of living. So I want to write it all down now, for me, for you, for our family, so that we can always look back and at least be reminded of some of the bits and pieces that made up the day that you came to us.

Since you were one late little guy, and showed no signs of budging we were scheduled for an induction at 9:30 on the night of Sunday the 19th. Being induced was not something I was excited about and I knew I likely had a hard road ahead, but as the time came to head to the hospital I found that most of my fears and trepidations had at least temporarily subsided and I was calm and ready to meet you.

I think I will always remember saying goodbye to Baxter, and walking outside with your Dad to catch a cab. It was a chilly night and very calm and still outside. I remember riding down Lakeshore in the cab, holding your Dad's hand, and not saying a word, but knowing just what the other one was thinking. The lake was still and downtown was all lit up, and it was an amazingly perfect moment. If it had been a movie a sweeping epic score would have been playing.

We pulled up to the hospital and it was really quiet. We headed to triage and they sent up right up to our labor and delivery room. I remember being so relieved that it was empty, I was so afraid there would be a baby boom that night and our induction would get bumped to another day. And now that I knew you were coming I was ready to go!

We got up to labor and delivery and right away they hooked me all up. It all happened so fast. I don't know what I thought it would be like, but for some reason I thought there would be more waiting around. You Dad and I talked with the nurse and joked around. It was all good. And then came the catheter. That was not all good. Because I was only dilated one pitiful centimeter I had been warned that I would need The CRIB. I have no idea what CRIB stands for, but I do know it was invented by a sadist. Basically it is a catheter inserted into your uterus. It is left there for 6 hours, and at the end of that 6 hours it should have forced you to dilate more, and if not, guess what.......you get another 6 hour date with The CRIB. It was bad. And you know what? Your Dad feel asleep!!! I was writhing on the bed in pain, and your Dad was in the corner sawing logs. Unbelievable. I will spare you the details of those six hours, but lets just say when the 6 hours were mercifully up, I was positively giddy to learn that The CRIB had worked and I was now 4 1/2 centimeters dilated.

Goodbye evil CRIB, I hope we never meet again.

It was now about 4:30 on Monday morning. The nurse broke my water (weird), they turned up my pitocin, and told me to rest (snort). by 6:30 I was having back to back contractions without any break in between (not awesome). The Resident decided my pitocin was turned up too high, and I decided it was time for some drugs. So I got the epidural and it. was. awesome. You know that feeling when you have the flu and you feel awful, and you know you have to throw up but you really don't want to, but then you do throw up and for a little bit right after that you feel soooooooo much better. It was a lot like that. I could have gotten up and cleaned the whole hospital if they asked me to.

So then I really did get some rest. Our beloved Dr. V. came in and checked me around 11:00 and I was 5 centimeters. She swore up and down that was great progress and I was right where I should be, but I felt a little defeated. Only halfway.....ugh.