turning japanese, i really think so

Happy 1st Halloween D-money! Not sure how much you really enjoyed it, but we made sure you got the full Halloween experience. We went over to Hud and Cam's house, like we do every year, only this year we got to march you around in your costume.

Of course, in true mid-western fashion it was cold out so you were all bundled up. People probably thought you were dressed as an eskimo or a burrito or something, but really you were

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a spicy tuna roll! Complete with ginger and wasabi. Totally yummy.

my one and only you

Dylan today you are one month old.

How did that happen?! These four weeks have flown by. Your dad and I have been oh so busy just drinking you in, in all your yummy baby-ness. I have covered the top of your head with 1,000,000 kisses, stroked those adorable cheeks too many times to count, and buried my face in your soft, soft hair....I told you I love baby hair!

You look like your dad already. Damn those Derhake genes are strong. And you do have big feet, just like your ultrasound showed. You are mellow too. Just a happy, chill baby. A happy chill baby who freaking loves his pacifier. And you have this funny face you make all the time, where you sort of furrow your brow and look all thoughtful/worried. Your dad calls it the Kate face. Um, you sort of have a wonky ear. Your right ear. It is all folded down on the top, maybe you were snoozing on it those last couple of crowded months in utero? Oh and you have dimples, actually on your right side you have two dimples. Best. thing. ever.

This last month has been surreal.

And it is going too fast already. I don't want you to keep getting bigger, selfish, I know, but I love how small and squeezable you are right now. If I could I would spend all day every day with you curled up, asleep on my chest. All ensconced in your warm snuffly baby goodness.

So perfect.

So one month into the lifetime we will share together, thank you Dylan, for being you. All this is better than I could have ever imagined....really hard too...but still better. You are more amazing to us than we could ever hope to put into words. And while I would love to keep you small and close, I am so excited to see all that you are and all that you will be.

xxoo

check out those big feetsies

my darling.... part three

my darling...part two

So where we? Oh that's right, only 5 cm dilated. Boo.

So we waited some more. Your Grandma and Grandpa and Uncle Moochie came to visit. I was feeling really well so we all sat around and chatted a bit. It was hard to concentrate on anything other than the fact that that day, Monday September 20th, would be your birthday. At least I was hopeful it would be.

Everyone kept telling me to let them know when I felt the urge to push. Over and over again that's what I heard. Dr. V. didn't want to keep checking me since my water had already broken and we were at a higher risk for infection. Well I remember sitting around talking to everyone and not so much feeling an urge to push, but feeling really damn uncomfortable. I figured things were just progressing so I just sort of stuck it out. It started getting harder and harder to ignore though. So after an hour or so, when the midwife Sandra came in and offered to check my progress I decided to take her up on it. So we shooed everyone out (don't nobody need to be looking at that), and Sandra did her thing.

And ta da! We were at 10! Just like that, we went from 5 to 10. It was like winning the lottery little guy. You were still pretty high up so the nurses had me sit up and "labor down" for an hour. Not sure what I was supposed to be doing, but basically I just sat up and your dad and I waited (im)patiently until it was go time.

And then the pushing. Oy. It was around the time that I first started pushing that we all realized I had not been making the most of my epidural, because I could pretty much feel everything. Apparently you can push that little button and get more of the good stuff every 10 minutes or so. What?! I had maybe hit it twice in the past 8 hours. Bogus. Needless to say I had some catching up to do, and I quickly developed a nasty little trigger finger. Good thing too because I pushed you out for 2 hours. 2 hours. I will say it did go fast. We put on my birth mix (thank you Carlee) and we all were laughing and joking around in between pushes. Dr. V. and Sandra, and your Dad did a great job of coaching, and were just the right mix of love and tough love....although I did have to tell you dad to "shut up" at one point. But really that was the only mean thing I said. No yelling, or screaming, or cursing, just one teeny tiny "shut up".

And about an hour and forty minutes into that pushing....when I was sweaty and tired, falling asleep in between pushes even, and thinking that quitting was sounding like a really great option....Dr. V. told us that you were right there and that with a couple more big pushes it would all be over. Well say no more, my friend, I gave it all I had and then some, and at 5:06 pm you were born.

It is all a bit blurry and slow after that. I remember everyone crying out when you were finally out, and people saying that you were much bigger than they thought you would be, and that you had a head full of hair. I remember you looked good and sounded good, so Dr. V. went ahead and placed you right on my chest. I remember your dad and I just looking down at you and everything else just sort of faded away. You cried, but not much at all, and the three of us just sort of gazed at each other. I remember the nurses eventually took you away and I looked over at your dad, and he immediately followed you...good job dad. The nurses cleaned you all up, weighed you, and gave you 9's on your apgars. It all felt like it took forever. I wanted you back so badly.

And finally, finally they put you back in my arms. You blinked a lot and looked up at me and I looked down at you.

And all I remember after that is love.

my darling....part one

As much as I want to believe that I will never forget your very first birthday, I know in time I will. Years will pass and the details will blur and go out of focus, as we turn our attention to the business of living. So I want to write it all down now, for me, for you, for our family, so that we can always look back and at least be reminded of some of the bits and pieces that made up the day that you came to us.

Since you were one late little guy, and showed no signs of budging we were scheduled for an induction at 9:30 on the night of Sunday the 19th. Being induced was not something I was excited about and I knew I likely had a hard road ahead, but as the time came to head to the hospital I found that most of my fears and trepidations had at least temporarily subsided and I was calm and ready to meet you.

I think I will always remember saying goodbye to Baxter, and walking outside with your Dad to catch a cab. It was a chilly night and very calm and still outside. I remember riding down Lakeshore in the cab, holding your Dad's hand, and not saying a word, but knowing just what the other one was thinking. The lake was still and downtown was all lit up, and it was an amazingly perfect moment. If it had been a movie a sweeping epic score would have been playing.

We pulled up to the hospital and it was really quiet. We headed to triage and they sent up right up to our labor and delivery room. I remember being so relieved that it was empty, I was so afraid there would be a baby boom that night and our induction would get bumped to another day. And now that I knew you were coming I was ready to go!

We got up to labor and delivery and right away they hooked me all up. It all happened so fast. I don't know what I thought it would be like, but for some reason I thought there would be more waiting around. You Dad and I talked with the nurse and joked around. It was all good. And then came the catheter. That was not all good. Because I was only dilated one pitiful centimeter I had been warned that I would need The CRIB. I have no idea what CRIB stands for, but I do know it was invented by a sadist. Basically it is a catheter inserted into your uterus. It is left there for 6 hours, and at the end of that 6 hours it should have forced you to dilate more, and if not, guess what.......you get another 6 hour date with The CRIB. It was bad. And you know what? Your Dad feel asleep!!! I was writhing on the bed in pain, and your Dad was in the corner sawing logs. Unbelievable. I will spare you the details of those six hours, but lets just say when the 6 hours were mercifully up, I was positively giddy to learn that The CRIB had worked and I was now 4 1/2 centimeters dilated.

Goodbye evil CRIB, I hope we never meet again.

It was now about 4:30 on Monday morning. The nurse broke my water (weird), they turned up my pitocin, and told me to rest (snort). by 6:30 I was having back to back contractions without any break in between (not awesome). The Resident decided my pitocin was turned up too high, and I decided it was time for some drugs. So I got the epidural and it. was. awesome. You know that feeling when you have the flu and you feel awful, and you know you have to throw up but you really don't want to, but then you do throw up and for a little bit right after that you feel soooooooo much better. It was a lot like that. I could have gotten up and cleaned the whole hospital if they asked me to.

So then I really did get some rest. Our beloved Dr. V. came in and checked me around 11:00 and I was 5 centimeters. She swore up and down that was great progress and I was right where I should be, but I felt a little defeated. Only halfway.....ugh.